Valentine’s day was last month so it’s probably a good time to talk about Indin’ Lovin’. According to Pipestone, Indin’ Lovin’ is when you unknowingly date your cousin. While this is obviously in jest, it does point to an interesting piece of native life; mistakenly bringing home your cousin.

First, while interviewing people for this post, I found myself occasionally needing to explain to a non-native the humor around dating cousins. It became clear during most of these conversations that non-native people just didn’t understand why this was funny. I suspect this is because non-natives have no frame of reference for this type of humor; the interconnectedness of tribes.

For those of you who might not have a frame of reference for this, let me explain. One non-native person I know has an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, and three siblings. That’s it. They have one cousin. On my dad’s side alone, I have three aunts and three uncles, and from those aunts and uncles, I have fourteen first cousins. Furthermore, those cousins have children giving me thirty-three-second cousins.

Some of these cousins I grew up with. I played with them. I cried because they wouldn’t share their toys. We had sleepovers and fought over who got to be Mario. However, there are many cousins I don’t know, and with my family only growing since I was a child it gets increasingly harder to keep track of everybody I’m related to. Therein lies the problem; my family is so big I can’t keep track of who I’m related to. Meaning, if I’m a normal hormonal teenager looking to snag then there is an inevitably high risk of bringing a cousin home. Especially if we factor in that most of my cousins also live on the rez.

Well, I did bring home my cousin. She was quirky, held my hand, and we would share earbuds while riding the bus together. Every middle school kid’s dream. After a couple weeks we were officially dating and were about as cringy as you would expect a couple in middle school to be. Unfortunately, the unstoppable forward march of time was inevitably leading to the moment I had been dreading. Bringing her to meet my family. We walked in the door and my grandma kindly offered her a piece of frybread and soup with lots of sweet “my girls” and “you’re sure you’re not hungry” before she began interrogating her about her family.

“My girl, who’s your folks? Who’s your grandma? Oooh, I know her, what about on your moms’ side? Oh yeah, I know your aunties.”

Now, normally you’d assume that a grandma would wait until your girlfriend left before gently breaking the news to you. However, my grandma was Blackfeet, and Blackfeet grandmas cherish any opportunity to tease the shit out of you. So, she didn’t wait, she broke the news to me and my now ex-girlfriend/cousin right there, much to the amusement of my uncles (who I’m convinced are only capable of communicating in teasing). The next couple of months were agonizing as my newly discovered cousin and I would awkwardly pass each other in the halls, avoiding eye contact. To make matters worse, my uncles asked me where my girlfriend was at least once a day until somebody else did something tease worthy enough to make them forget about me.

This problem isn’t exclusive to me. My dad also dated his cousin when he was young. One of my uncles ended up marrying and having kids with his cousin (he was conspicuously silent while I was getting teased). These kinds of stories aren’t only in my family. Ask anybody from Browning, Belknap, or Rocky Boy, they all have stories like these. And before somebody brings it up, I’m not saying that accidentally dating your cousin is universally a native thing. Some tribes have used things like clan systems to avoid this situation, my tribe just isn’t one of those. Further, in my hormonal 13-year-old self’s defense, I have 47 cousins. The point I’m trying to make here is accidentally bringing home a cousin is pervasive enough that it's awkward/embarrassing nature is relatable, and therefore, humorous to many natives. Thus, it is a unique part of how love works on the reservation. For most people, the timeline for dating goes like this.